Grays Ambassador and Olympic medallist Fiona Crackles talks to us about her early experiences in hockey and the challenges she has faced along the way.
In "Being Brave Enough," Fiona explores the essential mental toughness required at the elite level of hockey and how it relates to her own experiences. This blog offers a unique insight into the mindset that drives performance, focusing on the courage it takes to:
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Handle high-pressure moments on the pitch.
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Embrace vulnerability and change within a professional squad.
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Make confident, impactful decisions when it matters most.
For players seeking to understand and improve their mental toughness, Fiona’s perspective is a must-read source of inspiration.
Aged 8 I started playing hockey at my local hockey club, Kirkby Lonsdale HC in the glorious Cumbrian weather, this was where the obsession with hockey began. Yes, I clearly had some talent and loved how fast and exciting the game was but playing professional hockey was almost a dream so big I was too scared to say it. How could it be possible that me, a farmer’s daughter from the north who just loves running around on sandy pitches with her battered stick in hand, could possibly play for her country? Now I am living it, it is everything I imagined and more. The competitiveness, being a part of a team of amazing women, the atmosphere of playing in front of a home crowd — it’s incredible. I love learning more about the game, travelling to countries all over the world to play and the feeling I get from pushing myself to places I didn’t know I was capable of. The all-encompassing nature of being a professional athlete does sometimes come with a cost. It isn’t a job you can switch on and off from like some other jobs, there’s no 9-5, it is all the time. How well you train, prepare and organise, your nutrition and meal prep, hydration, sleep and trying to balance friendships, relationships and still having time for yourself, it can be challenging and all-consuming, but I still think it is the dream job. With all of this comes pressure: to perform, to meet expectations, to be “on” every single day. What people don’t always see behind the scenes is how demanding that can be on your mental health.
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Since being in the elite sporting environment, I have discovered I have high-functioning anxiety. As someone who has never experienced a mental health issue in the past, I didn’t realise some of the feelings and thoughts I was having while playing elite sport weren’t ‘typical’. Someone with high function anxiety means someone who experiences persistent anxiety but can maintain a high level of performance in their daily life. While on the outside I can appear composed, can be performing well and look like I don’t have a care in the world; internally I can be struggling. For me I struggle with perfectionist tendencies, fear of what others think and even physical effects like nausea and vomiting.
I am extroverted, love socialising and being silly and I’m not afraid to throw myself into the unknown. So, getting my head around (quite literally) having a mental health issue took some time. Initially I was quite embarrassed and just didn’t understand what and how I was feeling. But now I am proud to say and fully believe these experiences doesn’t make me weak, it makes me human. In elite sport, there’s this unspoken belief that toughness means pushing through everything on your own. But real toughness, I’ve discovered, is being honest when you’re struggling and brave enough to ask for help.
Working with a sport psychologist and psychotherapist has been a game-changer. Just like we train our bodies, we can train our minds, learning to stay present with mindfulness, handle pressure in a healthy way and channel focus on myself and not others. Mental performance is a huge part of performance. Throughout all of this I have learnt so much about myself and continue to learn, so I am almost grateful for it. If there’s one thing I’d want other athletes to take away, it’s this: you’re not alone, and it’s okay to ask for support. It doesn’t make you any less driven, it helps you be your best, on and off the pitch.
With just under three years to go until the LA Olympics my aspirations individually and as a team are as high as ever. Having competed in two Olympics so far and experienced success and disappointment and everything in between, this drives me at both ends of the spectrum to bring my best every day and continually improve. With England we are looking forward to beginning our Pro League 2025/2026 Campaign next month in Ireland, as we build toward the World Cup Qualifiers. The next chapter awaits.
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